SKILL.md
499 lines · 2,882 words
Parenting Advisor
When to Use
Use this skill when:
User asks about parenting advisor
User needs guidance on parenting advisor topics
User wants a structured approach to parenting advisor
Search the docs, videos, blog, apps, teams, skills and release notes.
At a glance
What it is
Evidence-based parenting guidance by developmental stage, covering positive discipline, age-appropriate expectations, communication strategies, and common challenges from newborn through teenage years.
A skill is a written procedure a bot loads when a job calls for it. This one is a single file, SKILL.md, and the whole file is on this page.
The whole file, exactly as it downloads. Read it before you rely on it.
SKILL.md
499 lines · 2,882 words
Use this skill when:
User asks about parenting advisor
User needs guidance on parenting advisor topics
User wants a structured approach to parenting advisor
Evidence-based parenting guidance by developmental stage, covering positive discipline, age-appropriate expectations, communication strategies, and common challenges from newborn through teenage years.
Nothing. It ships with Murage, which is open source. Your bots run on the AI plan you already have.
Yes. Open it in Settings → Skills to read, edit or duplicate it. Skill Guard scans it again after every edit.
Download the app, connect the AI you already pay for, and tell your Chief of Staff what needs doing. Plan on about ten minutes from install to a working team.
No account needed · Runs on the AI plan you already pay for
Paste it into your agent's instructions (CLAUDE.md, AGENTS.md or a custom GPT), or add it to a bot in Murage.
Ask Ember for the bot, then switch the skill on in its settings.
Step 1
Send your Chief of Staff this message. It proposes the bot and its role first, and creates it when you say go.
Send this to Ember
“Create a bot that uses the Parenting Advisor skill, and show me the plan first.”
You're done when your Chief proposes the bot and its role, and the bot appears in your sidebar once you say go.
Step 2
You're done when you see the bot’s skills and the library.
Step 3
You're done when the skill shows as on for that bot.
Step 4
You're done when the bot takes the job and opens the skill when it needs it.
Prefer to do it yourself? Choose + in the sidebar, then New Bot.Read the full guide to skills and Skill Guard
What it teaches a bot, what it covers, and the whole file to read.
What it covers
When to Use
Process
Overview
Questions to Ask the User First
Developmental Stage Framework
Parenting Styles Framework
Positive Discipline Toolkit
Communication Strategies by Age
Common Challenge Templates
Special Considerations
When to Seek Professional Support
Output Formatting
Example
Bedtime Tantrum Strategy: Age 4
Edge Cases
Request requires professional consultation beyond educational guidance
User needs emergency assistance
Step 1: Gather child age, specific situation or challenge, and parenting goals
Step 2: Identify developmental stage and age-appropriate expectations
Step 3: Recommend evidence-based strategies for the specific challenge
Step 4: Provide concrete scripts, routines, or frameworks the parent can implement today
Step 5: Include what to expect (realistic timelines) and when to seek professional support
This skill provides comprehensive, research-backed parenting guidance tailored to your child's developmental stage. Drawing from authoritative frameworks including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) guidelines, positive discipline methodology (Jane Nelsen), and developmental psychology research, this advisor helps parents navigate challenges with confidence and compassion.
Before providing guidance, gather essential context:
What is your child's age? (months for infants, years for older children)
What specific challenge or situation are you facing?
What is your family structure? (two-parent, single-parent, blended, co-parenting, multigenerational)
Are there any special considerations? (developmental differences, health conditions, recent life changes)
What have you already tried?
What parenting approach resonates with you? (structured, gentle, collaborative)
Cultural or value-based considerations that should inform the guidance?
Primary Needs: Attachment, regulation, trust-building
Key Developmental Tasks:
Establishing feeding rhythms (breast, bottle, or combination)
Sleep pattern development (no "schedule" yet -- respond to cues)
Sensory processing and environmental adjustment
Parent-infant bonding and attachment formation
Parenting Focus:
Respond promptly to cries (you cannot spoil a newborn)
Skin-to-skin contact as often as possible
Learn your baby's unique cues (hunger, tired, overstimulated)
Establish a flexible routine, not a rigid schedule
Accept help -- postpartum recovery matters
Common Challenges & Solutions:
| Challenge | Evidence-Based Approach |
|---|---|
| Colic/excessive crying | Rule of 3s assessment, 5 S's (Swaddle, Side, Shush, Swing, Suck) |
| Sleep deprivation | Shift sleeping, safe co-sleeping guidelines if chosen, sleep when baby sleeps |
| Feeding difficulties | Lactation consultant referral, paced bottle feeding technique |
| Postpartum mood changes | Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale screening, professional support |
Primary Needs: Exploration, attachment security, sensorimotor development
Key Developmental Tasks:
Motor milestones (rolling, sitting, crawling, possibly walking)
Object permanence development
Babbling and pre-language communication
Stranger awareness and separation anxiety (normal at 8-10 months)
Parenting Focus:
Create safe exploration environments (babyproofing)
Responsive feeding (baby-led weaning or traditional -- both valid)
Narrate your day to build language exposure
Consistent bedtime routine establishment
Allow safe risk-taking in movement
Positive Discipline at This Stage:
Redirect rather than say "no" (save "no" for safety)
Use simple language: "Gentle hands" with demonstration
Remove hazards rather than expecting compliance
Validate emotions even when setting limits
Primary Needs: Autonomy, language explosion, emotional regulation (co-regulation)
Key Developmental Tasks:
Walking, running, climbing
Vocabulary explosion (50 words by 18 months, 200+ by age 2)
Beginning of pretend play
Asserting independence ("NO!" phase)
Toilet learning readiness
Parenting Focus:
Offer controlled choices: "Red shirt or blue shirt?"
Name emotions constantly: "You seem frustrated that the block fell"
Use "First-Then" language: "First shoes, then outside"
Maintain consistent routines with visual schedules
Allow messes -- this is how they learn
Positive Discipline Techniques:
REDIRECT Framework for Toddlers:
R - Recognize the feeling behind the behavior
E - Empathize verbally: "I see you're really upset"
D - Distract or redirect to acceptable alternative
I - Involve them in solutions when possible
R - Reinforce desired behavior with specific praise
E - Establish consistent, simple boundaries
C - Connect before correcting
T - Time-in (not time-out) for emotional floodingCommon Toddler Challenges:
| Challenge | Strategy |
|---|---|
| Tantrums | Stay calm, stay close, validate, wait it out, debrief after |
| Hitting/biting | "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts. You can hit this pillow." |
| Food refusal | Division of responsibility (Ellyn Satter): parent decides what/when/where, child decides whether/how much |
| Sleep regression | Maintain routine, offer comfort, avoid creating new dependencies |
| Sharing struggles | Normal -- parallel play is developmentally appropriate |
Primary Needs: Initiative, social skills, imaginative play, pre-academic foundations
Key Developmental Tasks:
Complex pretend play and theory of mind
Early friendships and social navigation
Pre-literacy and numeracy readiness
Increasing emotional vocabulary and self-regulation
Understanding rules and fairness
Parenting Focus:
Ask open-ended questions about their play and ideas
Teach problem-solving: "What could you try?"
Foster independence in self-care (dressing, hygiene)
Read together daily -- interactive reading with questions
Normalize mistakes as learning
Positive Discipline Techniques:
Natural consequences when safe: skipped jacket = feels cold briefly
Logical consequences when needed: threw toy = toy goes away temporarily
Family contribution: simple household tasks build belonging
Problem-solving together: "We have a problem. What ideas do you have?"
Primary Needs: Industry, competence, peer belonging, academic identity
Key Developmental Tasks:
Academic skill building and learning-to-learn
Deepening friendships and social hierarchies
Developing sense of competence and self-efficacy
Moral reasoning development
Beginning understanding of abstract concepts
Parenting Focus:
Homework support without doing it for them
Encourage effort over outcome (growth mindset, Carol Dweck)
Monitor friendships and social dynamics without controlling
Teach digital citizenship early
Maintain family connection rituals (dinner, game nights, one-on-one time)
Communication Template:
When discussing a school/social challenge:
1. LISTEN first (full attention, no phone, get on their level)
2. REFLECT: "It sounds like you felt [emotion] when [situation]"
3. VALIDATE: "That makes sense. I'd feel that way too"
4. ASK: "What do you think you could do about it?"
5. BRAINSTORM together if they're stuck
6. SUPPORT their chosen approach
7. FOLLOW UP later: "How did it go with [situation]?"Primary Needs: Identity formation, increasing autonomy, peer acceptance, puberty navigation
Key Developmental Tasks:
Puberty and body changes
Abstract thinking development
Increasing peer influence relative to parent influence
Identity experimentation
Beginning separation-individuation from family
Parenting Focus:
Maintain connection even as they pull away
Have ongoing (not one-time) conversations about puberty, bodies, consent
Respect growing privacy needs while maintaining safety
Negotiate rules collaboratively where possible
Be available without being intrusive
Autonomy Ladder Template:
Level 1: Parent decides, explains reasoning
Level 2: Parent decides after hearing child's input
Level 3: Child decides with parent approval
Level 4: Child decides and informs parent
Level 5: Child decides independently
Map each domain (bedtime, clothing, social media, homework)
to the appropriate level and advance gradually.Primary Needs: Identity consolidation, genuine autonomy, future orientation, intimate relationships
Key Developmental Tasks:
Identity achievement across domains (values, career, relationships)
Executive function maturation (still developing until mid-20s)
Romantic and sexual development
Future planning (college, career, independent living)
Consolidating personal value system
Parenting Focus:
Shift from manager to consultant role
Pick battles wisely -- safety and values, not hair color
Maintain family meals and rituals (research shows protective effect)
Discuss substance use, consent, mental health openly
Support gradual independence through scaffolded responsibility
| Style | Warmth | Structure | Outcome Research |
|---|---|---|---|
| Authoritative (recommended) | High | High | Best outcomes across domains |
| Authoritarian | Low | High | Compliance but lower self-esteem |
| Permissive | High | Low | Social skills but poor self-regulation |
| Uninvolved | Low | Low | Poorest outcomes across domains |
The Authoritative Balance:
WARMTH STRUCTURE
- Emotional availability - Clear, consistent boundaries
- Affection and praise - Age-appropriate expectations
- Active listening - Follow-through on consequences
- Validation of feelings - Routines and predictability
- Unconditional positive regard - Monitoring and supervision
- Quality time - Teaching and modelingMutual respect -- Kind AND firm at the same time
Belonging and significance -- Misbehavior often signals unmet need
Long-term effectiveness -- What teaches life skills?
Social and life skills -- Responsibility, cooperation, problem-solving
Discovering capability -- "I am capable" as core belief
| Behavior Pattern | Child's Belief | Parent Feels | Effective Response |
|---|---|---|---|
| Attention-seeking | "I belong only when noticed" | Annoyed, irritated | Give attention at unexpected times, involve in useful tasks |
| Power struggles | "I belong only when in control" | Angry, challenged | Offer choices, don't fight or give in, redirect to positive power |
| Revenge | "I don't belong, so I'll hurt back" | Hurt, disappointed | Don't retaliate, build trust, acknowledge hurt |
| Assumed inadequacy | "I can't belong, so I'll give up" | Despair, helpless | Show faith, encourage any small step, don't give up on them |
Is the child's behavior a problem?
|
YES
|
Is it a safety issue?
|--- YES --> Immediate, firm intervention. Explain after calm.
|--- NO --> Is this a teaching moment or a limit-setting moment?
|
|--- Teaching --> Natural consequence available?
| |--- YES --> Allow it (if safe): "What happened when you skipped your lunch?"
| |--- NO --> Logical consequence: Related, Respectful, Reasonable
|
|--- Limit-setting --> State the limit kindly and firmly
"I love you AND the answer is no."
Hold the limit through protest. Validate the feeling.Get on their physical level
Use 5-word sentences or fewer
Offer two choices maximum
Say what they CAN do, not just what they cannot
Use visual aids and schedules
Active listening with eye contact
Reflect feelings before problem-solving
Use "I notice..." instead of accusations
Side-by-side conversations (car rides, walks) reduce pressure
Family meetings for recurring issues
Listen 80%, talk 20%
Avoid lecturing (they tune out after 30 seconds)
Validate before advising
Ask permission: "Do you want advice or do you just want me to listen?"
Text communication can supplement (not replace) face-to-face
Respect their timeline for talking
STEP 1 - Separate if needed (safety first)
STEP 2 - Acknowledge both children's feelings individually:
"[Child A], you felt ___ when ___ happened"
"[Child B], you felt ___ when ___ happened"
STEP 3 - Restate the problem neutrally:
"So the problem is ___"
STEP 4 - Invite solutions:
"What ideas do you both have to solve this?"
STEP 5 - Agree on a solution both can accept
STEP 6 - Check back: "How is the agreement working?"Assessment Questions:
- Is this a skill gap or a motivation gap?
- Is the environment conducive to focus?
- Is the workload developmentally appropriate?
- Are there underlying issues (learning difference, anxiety, social problems)?
Action Plan:
1. Create a consistent homework environment: [location], [time], [supplies]
2. Break work into chunks: [minutes on] / [minutes break]
3. Parent role: Available nearby, not hovering
4. If struggling > 20 minutes on one problem: move on, note for teacher
5. Communicate with teacher if pattern persistsTransition: [divorce, new sibling, move, school change, loss]
BEFORE (if possible):
- Give age-appropriate advance notice: ___
- Read books together about the topic: ___
- Maintain existing routines where possible
- Invite questions: "What are you wondering about?"
DURING:
- Name what's happening honestly: ___
- Validate all feelings (including anger, relief, confusion)
- Maintain anchors: [bedtime routine, family meal, special object]
- Increase physical affection and one-on-one time
AFTER:
- Check in regularly (not just once)
- Watch for behavioral changes lasting > 2 weeks
- Seek professional support if: [regression, withdrawal, aggression, sleep/appetite changes]
- Be patient -- adjustment takes timeKeep conflict away from children
Maintain consistent rules across households where possible
Never use children as messengers
Speak neutrally about the other parent
Use parallel parenting if high-conflict (minimal direct communication)
Go slow -- bond before discipline
Biological parent handles discipline initially
Create new family traditions while honoring old ones
Allow grief for the family structure that was
Professional support is strength, not weakness
Collaborate with professionals for tailored strategies
Sensory needs are real needs, not preferences
Behavior is communication -- decode before correcting
Celebrate strengths and different ways of thinking
Adjust expectations to the individual child, not age norms alone
Honor your family's cultural values and traditions
Discuss cultural identity and pride proactively
Prepare children for bias they may encounter (if applicable)
Seek community and cultural mirrors in books, media, friendships
Bilingual/multilingual development is a gift -- support all languages
Consult a pediatrician or child psychologist if you observe:
Persistent regression in previously mastered skills
Significant behavior change lasting more than 2 weeks
Self-harm or expressed desire to harm self/others
Extreme anxiety, withdrawal, or persistent sadness
Eating or sleeping disruption beyond normal phases
Parental burnout, depression, or feeling unsafe
Remember: Seeking help is good parenting, not a failure. Every parent needs support.
When providing parenting advice, structure the response as:
SITUATION SUMMARY: [restate the user's challenge]
DEVELOPMENTAL CONTEXT: [what's normal for this age]
RECOMMENDED APPROACH:
1. [First step with specific language to use]
2. [Second step]
3. [Third step]
WHAT TO SAY: "[exact scripts/phrases to try]"
WHAT TO AVOID: [common mistakes for this situation]
TIMELINE: [when to expect change, when to reassess]
RESOURCES: [books, websites, professionals if relevant]Input: "My 4-year-old has started having intense tantrums every day at bedtime. Nothing I try works. I am exhausted."
Output:
Developmental context: At age 4, tantrums at transitions (especially bedtime) are developmentally normal. The prefrontal cortex is still developing -- emotional regulation is a skill they are learning, not one they have.
Common triggers for bedtime tantrums at age 4:
Overtired (counterintuitively, overtired children fight sleep harder)
Need for control (4-year-olds are asserting independence)
Separation anxiety or fear of dark
Inconsistent routine (the brain craves predictability)
| Time | Activity | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| T-30 min | Warning: "30 minutes until bedtime" | Transition prep |
| T-20 min | Calm activity (bath, coloring, puzzle) | Nervous system wind-down |
| T-10 min | Pajamas, teeth, potty | Routine steps (same order every night) |
| T-5 min | 2 books (child chooses) | Gives sense of control |
| T-0 | Lights out, 1 song or short chat | Connection moment |
Instead of: "It is bedtime now" (triggers power struggle) Try: "Do you want the blue pajamas or the red pajamas?" then "Do you want mommy or daddy to read tonight?" This gives the child agency within your boundaries.
Week 1: Tantrums may actually increase (extinction burst -- they test the new boundary)
Week 2-3: Frequency should decrease if routine is consistent
Week 4+: New routine becomes expected
If tantrums include self-harm, last longer than 30 minutes regularly, or are accompanied by regression in other areas (potty training, speech), consult your pediatrician.
Incomplete information: Ask clarifying questions before proceeding. Do not assume details the user has not provided.
Out of scope requests: Redirect to appropriate professional resources when the request exceeds educational guidance.
Conflicting requirements: Present trade-offs clearly and let the user decide priorities.
SKILL.md
499 lines · 2,882 words
The text of SKILL.md is shown as it downloads, under the Apache-2.0 license, by Ferrox Labs. The license is the one in the file's own frontmatter.
Your new bot
Parenting Advisor bot
Waiting in your sidebar once you say go.
No account needed · Runs on the AI plan you already pay for